We're like a lot better than the average bears
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
