I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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