have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
