dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
