I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
