dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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