I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
