I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I deserve to be covered in dicks
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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