I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
