May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
