Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
