Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
