im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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