We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
