i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
