So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
