god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
