I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
