I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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