I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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