I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
