did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
