ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you never un-have a 4some
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
