I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
