I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
