I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
