we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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