She's JV to your varsity
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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