Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
