I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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