I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
