I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
