You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
