I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
