i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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