I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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