Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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