I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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