Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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