I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize