even my farts smell like vagina
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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