Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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