i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
