Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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