I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Farmville is her only friend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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