My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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