Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
