can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
