drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
