Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
