508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
