Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
