you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
