Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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