He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
