I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
