Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
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