And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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