I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
