i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
