I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She bit a glass in half.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
