I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize