But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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