is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
