yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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