he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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