yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dicks are not precious.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
