Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
