i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
