Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
