Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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