after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
