physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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