haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
