sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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