The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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