...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
