Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
