took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
