if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
