Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize