She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
