I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need water and some morals
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
