I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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