Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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