i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
