**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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