my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
