I seem to have left my pride at pride
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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