And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
