Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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