a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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