Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you will always have a special place in my vag
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
